Forgiveness… it has Health Benefits!

Forgiveness – scientifically proven to improve heart health, lower pain perception and blood pressure, strengthen the immune system, improve mental health, lessen symptoms of depression, reduce stress, decrease anxiety, calm hostility, develop healthier relationships, and boost self-esteem, resulting in a higher level of well being and happiness.  (Facts found on MayoClinic.org.)

If I were to ask you to think of someone who wronged you what name would come to your mind first?  Most likely we all have a name and a story to tell of injustice or mistreatment.  I have one of my own as well and I will briefly share it with you.

It was early evening when the phone rang.  I answered warmly, unprepared for the news I was about to receive. I listened. I was told an individual maliciously took away something very precious to me.  Concerned and distraught, I hung up the phone and sought help but to no avail. My feeling of helplessness surrounded me like a cage, entrapping me in an undeserved consequence.  I felt the loss so deeply weeks went by yet I couldn’t turn off the tears.  I wondered, “Why is my sadness was so profound?”  I later realized I was mourning the loss of something that once brought joy and life to my world.  The treatment I received was unjust, not fair and there was nothing I could do to change it.  I wasn’t the only one.  In various ways this person hurt others as well, leaving a trail of wounded hearts behind, with seemingly no sense of remorse.

How do we forgive when it hurts so much? 

Why forgive when the person responsible never asked for forgiveness? 

Withholding forgiveness is often our way of taking control.  We may feel it is a just form of punishment towards the wrongdoer. However holding a grudge, harboring resentment and not forgiving keeps the pain alive and allows the wrongdoer to continue their mistreatment towards us, unbeknownst to them; like many have said,

“Refusing to forgive is a poison we take thinking it will hurt someone else.  Instead, it hurts us.”

The saddness turned to anger, gripping my heart with bitterness and resentment.  I would play the scenario of injustice over in my mind as if recalling the details would somehow hold my offender accountable.  Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, until I realized he was not affected at all but holding this grudge just added to my misery.  I was tired and I wanted to be free, but how?

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV

I had to forgive. 

In order to do so I had to step down from the judgment seat and acknowledge it belongs to God alone. 

He is a merciful judge, not giving us what we deserve.

He is righteous and will rightly deal with my offender, ultimately seeking his repentance and change of heart.

He is our good heavenly Father, faithful to us despite our failures.

He sets the ultimate example of forgiveness by loving us first.  He died to prove it.

How then could I not forgive when my own forgiveness cost so much?

The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him. Daniel 9:9 NIV

• Forgiveness doesn’t excuse someone’s actions.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean you will trust the wrong doer right away… or ever; forgiveness and trust are two separate things. Trust is earned.  Forgiveness is a choice.

Forgiveness is releasing our grip on the judge’s gavel and leaving it in the hands of our merciful God.

• Forgiveness changes our status from victim to victorious.
• Forgiveness relieves us of the misery caused by harboring a grudge, bitterness, anger, and resentment.
• Forgiveness sets us free.

I needed to pray for him.

“But to those of you who are listening, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”  Luke 6:27-28NIV

Choosing to pray for this person was a struggle, I didn’t want to.  But I knew this was the final step to truly forgiving and releasing the power I allowed this person to have over my life.  So, in obedience, and to really be free, I knew this is what I needed to do.

I prayed, and you can pray like this too – Lord, I choose to forgive because I am ready to be free.  So here is the gavel and here is the chair, take your rightful place.  Purify my heart of bitterness and resentment.  Help me Lord to forgive as you forgive.  You love this person as much as you love me.  You know the pain he inflicted on me and so many others.  Open his eyes to see the reality of the effects of his actions so he can confess them to you and bless others instead of cursing them.  Also Lord, if there is any offensive way in me I ask you to show me so I can confess it to you.  “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalm 139:23-24  NIV  In Jesus Name, Amen.

Prayer puts things into perspective, calms our anxieties, helps us to forgive, and prepares our hearts for healing to begin. 

As a result, I was able to lay down the gavel, and walk away, trusting the Lord to deal with the offender, relieved it wasn’t my responsibility.  The cage I described above disappeared.  The weight of the burden I carried was lifted, Jesus carried it for me.  My hope was and is in God’s promise to work ALL THINGS together for good for me. (Romans 8:28)

At times my mind would start to play the scenario over in my mind.  To not fall victim again I would pray a prayer like this.  Within time the forgiveness became a reality.  Spending any ounce of energy remembering the painful scenario is just a waste of time.  I sincerely hope this person can be free of whatever has made him able to treat others so harshly.  No matter how great our sin, no sin is unforgivable by God.  When we seek to forgive like God forgives then we will also begin to see others with his compassion as well.

God’s promises speak truth, breathe life, bring healing into our weary souls. 

As children of God we have assurance in His promises. He promises to be on our side.  We can move forward with confidence knowing our Heavenly Father hears our cries for help.  He cares, He will come to our rescue, renew our strength and will restore what was lost.

“Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free.
The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?
The LORD is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.

It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.

The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” Psalm 118:5-9, 14NIV

So today, choose to forgive, lay down the gavel, embrace freedom, live a happier, healthier life.

When we forgive we are no longer victims instead… we are victorious! 

Listen to this song “Forgiveness” by Matthew West and the amazing testimony of a woman who was able to forgive the unforgivable.

In His Love,

Julie Curry