Pure Gold

Do you ever feel like God is against you?  Maybe it seems when he doesn’t answer he doesn’t care?  There have been many times I have asked for answers, relief, solutions and they didn’t come, at least not when I wanted them to come.

I was a first semester freshman at Philadelphia Bible College, now Cairn University, when the Lupus began to flare.  Pain so great it was hard to lift items as light as clothing. It hurt too much to be bumped, hugged or even touched. Walking, sitting, standing, lying, all caused such tremendous pain.

I was hospitalized a few days after Christmas.  I remember the room I was in with two to three other girls suffering with their unique pain as well.  My bed was closest to the door and could see the brightly lit hallway.  The window was to my left displaying the sun reflecting off the dark windows of the buildings across the street.

I recall one night when the pain became unbearable.  In the agony I cried out to God to stop the pain feeling as though it would never end.  I remember imagining Jesus standing in the corner, compassionately watching me suffer, but not rescuing me when I cried for help.  If he really loved me why didn’t he take the pain away when I cried out to him?

James 1:3-4 say to ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

He must be kidding right?  How could I consider this joy when it was so difficult?  I didn’t understand then but I see it now.  God didn’t cause my pain instead he was with me through my pain.

We basically have two options when facing hardships.

1. We can raise our fists to God and blame him for our problems or…
2. We can choose to cling to Jesus and to his promises.

The first option will bring no relief and may even lead us further into despair and without refinement.

The second option has so many benefits.  When we make the choice to trust the Lord when we don’t understand we will experience an unexplainable peace, internal joy, and a sincere hope rooted in God’s promises; all of this despite our circumstances.  We will gain inner strength and perseverance making us mature and complete, not lacking anything.  It is through trials that God can reveal himself to us. When we come to the end of ourselves we realize he is all we have and all we need.

As a result of the trials I have been through I have this confidence: God is good, he is faithful and I can trust him.

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Trusting Him,

Julie